
So you want to stay hip to the current nomenclature but don’t want to lose your self-improvement edge? Well, what if the world of texting, Facebook and Twitter had to step aside for your kick ass acronyms? Now it does, thanks to these new, empow-WOW-ering definitions for popular shortened phrases used on smartphones and iPads worldwide.
Reclaim your power! Text some motivational messages to the people in your life who need them most! (Okay, so maybe the people in your life who need them most are whiny, depressing twerps on whom you are tired of expending any helpful energy, but still.)
 TOP TEN SELF-HELP TEXTING ACRONYMS
- LOL –
Laughing Out Loud– Loving Other Losers. This lets someone know that when you are feeling down, you are reaching out to other pitiful douches just like yourself. - LMAO –
Laughing My Ass Off– Living More Authentically Ow. To tell everyone that you are on your own personal journey of truthfulness, but that it hurts. - OMG –
Oh My God– Oprah Made God. A gentle reminder that without Oprah, self-help would have been relegated to the scrap heap of history after the Carter administration, and therefore she might well be a higher deity than the man (or woman) upstairs. - FTW –
For the Win– Freaking Totally Wizard. A way to say that things are awesome, plus it makes you sound a little British, which is always good if you are trying to hook up. - IRL –
In Real Life– It’s Really Liberating. Use this to communicate that you are stepping outside your comfort zone and growing as a person. Works even better if you are naked while typing it. - JK –
Just Kidding– Joyful Knowing. I have no idea what this means but it sounded just perfectly New Age douchey so I included it. - WTF –
What the F*ck– Watching Television Fund-Drive. Lets everyone know you are not to be disturbed because Wayne Dyer is on, helping PBS raise money by offering up his books and CDs at eight times what you could get them for on Amazon. - SMH –
Shaking My Head– Stop Manipulating Him (also: Stop Manipulating Her). To be used when you get a message about how someone you know is giving someone else you know a hard time and so you send a message back to the first someone telling him or her to stop being a passive aggressive suckbag. - IDK –
I Don’t Know– I’m Delusional Kiddo. Pretty self-explanatory. - WDYMBT –
What Do You Mean By That?– Why Did You Marry Bob Talbot? – Sorry, that’s just one I always send my ex.
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