We motivational speakers are always looking for great new ways to avoid the butt clench-inducing term affirmation. We know that it sends anyone who has his or her bullsh*t meter set at even half effectiveness bolting out of the room faster than if they’d been asked to watch a year’s worth of Oprah episodes back to back on Tivo.
But, we in the self-help industry are nothing if not devious manipulative resourceful, and so we have become adept at finding ways to get our audiences to the same place they would get with an affirmation by gently bullsh*tting tricking guiding them into an affirmation-like state from which they can explore their God-given right to empow-WOW-erment!
This is a technique I employed last year at this time and it seemed to yield quite effective results for the eight people who got back to me on it. The idea is you start the new year by pretending it has already ended. Then, from that perspective of looking back at the sheer opportunity you were given to start afresh, you imagine what you would like to have accomplished. In other words, you don’t reassess, you pre-assess! (Jeez, I just noticed that if you take the last ‘s’ out of that word it spells “asses.” But that is neither here nor there.)
So imagine: the year is over and you are reflecting upon the goals you set in 2011. How did that work out for you? Read through some of the pledges below and see how you scored this year. And find out whether or not you can look back on 2011 with a sense of pride and accomplishment!
2011 END OF YEAR RESOLUTION CHECKLIST
HAVE I…?
- Greeted each and every day with a smile no matter how much I felt like a douchebag doing it?
- Realized that I am not on this planet to live in fear and scarcity, except maybe I am so what the hell?
- Gone after my dreams, no matter how silly or spat upon by the people I love they may be, up yours every one of you life-sucking vampires you will pay for your derision of my inner beauty?
- Asked the universe for financial abundance, with the nagging suspicion that the universe has much more important things to deal with than the fact that I should never have agreed to freaking balloon payments?
- Not beat myself up even though I enjoy the living crap out of it?
- Given my time freely to others once I am caught up on Season 1 of Terriers?
- Prioritized family over adequate mental health?
- Fully accepted the fact that my very existence is a special, individual miracle that has happened approximately 7 billion times so far?
- Taken time out of each day for 2.6 seconds of quiet because more than that will make me want to chew off my own head?
- Known instinctively that the right action for any situation will reveal itself to me just in time to put my clothes back on?
Well, then, as you look back on the year that was, can you honestly say you implemented some or all of these empow-WOW-ering affirmations things? I hope so, because it will mean that you were part of a great, great year! If you have any other highlights from having looked back in advance on your 2011, feel free to let me know. Happy New You Year!
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