We in the self-help field will do anything to get our clients to a deeper self-awareness. And by anything, I mean anything short of stripping naked and immersing ourselves into a vat of boysenberry Yoplait while lip-syncing the karaoke version of Jenny From the Block.  And, let’s face it, if the payoff on the investment was good enough, we would probably do that, too.

In any case, it’s my job to guide you to your own sense of empow-WOW-erment!  And I have found, as I did last year, that by starting the new year pretending it has already ended,  some new and powerful truths emerge. Many of which often involve stripping naked, Yoplait and J-Lo, but this is for after the New Year’s Eve partying has worn off.

So, once again, imagine: the year is over and you are reflecting upon the goals you set in 2012.  Read through the declarations below, resolutions if you will, and decide whether or not you can truly kick off the year with pride and a minimum of self-loathing. I know you can do it!

2012 END OF YEAR RESOLUTION CHECKLIST

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HAVE I…?

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1. Offered thanks to those angels who have helped me on my path to success? Offered a steady campaign of harassing emails to those suckbags who have not?
   
2. Taken a moment of every day to simply appreciate the miracle of being alive and being able to continue this soul-sucking grind for another lackluster 24-hour period?
   
3. Finally come to terms with the cancellation of Oprah?
   
4. Welcomed the energy of wealth consciousness into the credit card I used to pay for that wealth consciousness seminar?
5. Tried my hardest to obtain closure with my family members, even when it means taking the drastic step of actually speaking to them?
6. Resolved to give all my spare change to the homeless, even though I don’t have any spare change anymore because no one uses cash and it’s kind of difficult to offer a homeless person a swipe of your ATM?
   
7. Shouted “F*ck the Mayan Calendar!” to the sky at least once a week?
8. Looked at the role I played in every conflict that was clearly someone else’s damn fault?
   
9. Laughed at a situation in which I could have chosen to cry instead but there were people around and no way are they going to see me at my most emotionally naked?
10. Learned even one thing about how to live by observing how a perfect, graceful animal functions in the world?  I mean, besides humping whatever it wants and crapping wherever it pleases and occasionally killing another animal in order to eat it because these are not the things to look for when using the beauty of the natural world to illustrate some vague idea about how humans should conduct themselves?

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So, how’d ya do? Did you make the most of 2012? If not, just remember to Shove it Upwards and you’ll be back on track in no time.  Happy New You Year!

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