Posted on 31 August 2011 by mrmaul
Thanks to YouTuber The Hour for this clip!
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Posted on 26 July 2011 by mrmaul
Every once in a while, a motivational speaker comes upon something that speaks so loudly, yet is silent. These powerful, inspirational moments cry out to be shared with others who are seeking self-improvement, self-fulfillment and some third kind of hyphenated self thing that is just, damn it, not coming to me no matter how long I sit here with fingers poised above the keyboard.
Please take a deep breath before you view this photograph. Otherwise, you may hyperventilate as you gasp with wonder and feeling at the simple, life-affirming truth contained within it. No more words from me, just take this powerful message with you whenever you need to summon the courage to go on. Thanks to Facebook follower Thom Donovan for alerting me to the fact that such deeply calming sentiments existed out there in cyberspace, and to the site Friends of Irony, who are credited in the photo and surely deserve a visit. Enjoy.
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Posted on 14 June 2011 by mrmaul
Admitting you’re wrong is never easy. Saying you’re sorry is even more challenging. But with the patented empow-WOW-erment techniques employed by your favorite motivational nutball Mr. Paul Maul, you’ll be channeling your inner screw-up-admitting self in no time! It’s an exclusive clip from the TV Fund Drive, and you can download it for free on iTunes!
Feel free to examine all manner of Paul Maul madness, right here.
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Posted on 02 June 2011 by mrmaul
Why, there’s all sorts of Paul Maul self-help lunacy. Check out some more!
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Posted on 24 May 2011 by mrmaul
Hey, I’m not the only person on the Internet whose mission is to open minds to fresh and empowering vistas and/or open doors to new opportunities for personal growth and self-actualization. (I am, however, perhaps the only person on the Internet who can shamelessly cram that many annoying self-help buzzwords into one sentence. It’s a gift.)
In any case, if you, like most of us in the motivational field, actually spend most of your down time wondering about how soon you might die, then here’s a site you will find absolutely irresistible. All you have to do is enter a few vital stats about your age, eating and exercise habits and before you know it you’ll get a reasonable estimate of how much longer you have before you join Ed McMahon in heaven. Yes, it is sponsored by an insurance company, but in a way that’s even more delightfully twisted. Because while one of the points of “The Longevity Game” is to get you to see that altering certain destructive habits like smoking or drinking (thus entering new stats into the game module) can increase your life expectancy, there’s no denying that the perverse desire to approximate one’s time of death is indicative of something darker in our natures. I, for one, embrace that darkness. Without it, I could not go around inventing ways to convince people that everything is freaking fine.
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Posted on 12 May 2011 by mrmaul
Everyone secretly wishes (or thinks) that they were (or are) an artistic genius. This is why most artists in society are reviled as no-account slackers: they prove to those who did not pursue a creative life that it wouldn’t, after all, have been worth the constant poverty and eventual gum disease/overdose/break with reality that results from such a lifestyle choice. The artists who make it, by contrast, are then held aloft as ideals of material success while they are secretly mocked as being no-talents who can’t even color inside the lines.
No matter how you slice it, the life of the artist threatens we mere mortals to our core, and that is why they freak us out, whether we choose to openly loathe the ones who end up losers or slag off the lucky winners sotto voce. As any self-respecting life coach (if that is not an oxymoron) knows, the thing we are most threatened by is the thing that confronts us with what Jung called our “unlived” life. (That’s Eddie Jung, a guy I once met at a self-realization conference in Lansing.)
Well, repress your desire to live in a garret and get the crabs no longer. The Internet is nothing if not a repository for dreams deferred, and “Mr. Picasso Head” is a Web tool that allows you to express yourself in the style of the great Cubist or Surrealist or Classical Realist or Blue or whatever he was painter. So toss aside your resentments of those rail-thin whippets hanging out in front of the Coffee Bean with their hands shoved into the pockets of their thrift-shop sport jackets and dive into the life of the true artist, albeit with a keyboard and mouse. Yes, tap into your unrealized creative potential while pretending to be a dysfunctional, testosterone-driven hot mess. It’s a win-win!
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Posted on 14 April 2011 by mrmaul
Let’s face it, in this economy you have to start cutting out non-essentials. And when the Internet offers so many opportunities to be ROTMFFL, why include anti-depressants in your budget? Here are ten things on the web that provide scientifically-proven (okay, that’s hyperbole) alternatives to shoving in fistfuls of Zoloft. Just click on a link (in red, below) to read my full descriptions and go to the sites in question. Now, get surfing, and forget your troubles the way nature intended: electronically.
And so here, in ascending order, are Mr. Paul Maul’s picks for…
THE TOP TEN INTERNET CURES FOR DEPRESSION
10. Nic Cage as Everyone. (It’s exactly what it says it is. And it is mind-boggling.)
9. Betty White and the Trololo Guy.
8. Fallen Princesses. Dark as anything re-imaginings of how fairy tales really end.
7. The Automatic Complaint Generator. (You won’t be able to stop.)
6. How to Brush Your Teeth Like A Spartan. (Like you haven’t always wanted to know!)
5. The Eight Phases of Dating. (Painful, painful, painful truth.)
4. David Lynch, Problem Solver. (You may never be the same.)
3. Python Loaf. In a live performance, singer/comedian Andy Allen sings a moving song about…well, let’s put it this way: WARNING – Extreme scatological humor. Not for the faint of heart.
2. Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere. Perhaps the most all-inclusive and dead-on news parody ever produced by the always amazing Onion.
1. And the Number One Internet Cure for Depression…My Name is Potato! From Italian pop music sensation Rita Pavone comes the most daft, bizarre, jaw-droppingly nutty and description-defying (not to mention catchy and irresistible) single. What does it mean? Is it a symbolic attack on American imperialism? Is it the product of someone ingesting something other than a potato one evening and writing down the hallucinogenic results? Who knows? Who cares? Just watch in awe. The pharmaceutical industry is shaking in its boots.
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Posted on 12 April 2011 by mrmaul
It certainly is tough to wake up and realize just how much crap you will soon have to face. Yet, each day is another opportunity to realize just how much promise a new dawn holds. And here is an easy way to remember that very thing before you–however reluctantly–roll out of the sack each workday. Enjoy.
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Posted on 01 April 2011 by mrmaul
We made it to April Fool’s Day! And for the folks in many cities, that also means opening day of the baseball season! Here’s a Paul Maul home run to commemorate the occasion!
“In the spring, a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” So said Alfred Lord Tennyson, the Poet Laureate of Britain during the reign of Queen Victoria and thus someone who probably would have been beaten up in the bleachers at Fenway Park for being a man who knows how to arrange words into a rhythm pleasing to the ear.
Yes, springtime also means baseball and as the great Red Sox player Ted Williams himself said, “Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.”
Put the two together and you get the fact that men (and women, let’s face it) get horny after the first day of spring, and that most of the time they fail miserably at creating real and lasting relationships after the first frantic coupling of the season. Granted, this is probably because they were so excited to be able to get into it without having to peel off two layers of thermal underwear, a sweatshirt, a wool sweater and a Michelin-man parka that they perhaps acted in haste and didn’t think about what the next twenty-five years with someone so freaking desperate for sex could mean.
In that spirit, then, your personal self-helpster Mr. Paul Maul offers tips for relationship growth culled from the other diamond ring—the baseball field.
TEN BASEBALL TERMS THAT WILL SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
So what are you waiting for? Use the Great American Pastime to improve your love life. Someone has to throw out the first pitch.
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Posted on 31 March 2011 by mrmaul
As part of the run-up to April Fool’s, we’re featuring different Paul Maul classics all week until the actual day of foolery. Here’s one of Mr. Maul’s personal favorites!
The last time I tackled the subject of books was back when I collected the best mashups of the horror genre with famous self-help titles. Since then, a little casual surfing (get your mind out of the gutter) yielded a link to a title called The Fictional 100, in which author Lucy Pollard-Gott identifies the one hundred most famous fictional characters in world literature. It wasn’t that big a leap for a sick mind to want to analyze some of these well-known fake people, and not having the time to write a book, I narrowed the list down to ten. Yes, a couple of them originated on the stage, but since they have since been taught in literature classes I figure I’m in the clear. And if you think I’m going to pass up Oedipus, you’re crazy. So here we go.
OEDIPUS – To call him the granddaddy of screw-ups has more layers of double entendre than a femme fatale in a film noir. The dude finds out he murdered his own father and has spawned children with his own mother, then plucks out his own eyes; all in one afternoon. That should put your irritation at having to work through lunch into perspective.
MEDEA – Kills her own children just to piss off the man who threw her over for a society dame. I guess boiling bunnies didn’t cut it in Ancient Greece.
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ROMEO - The guy is already lovesick for some other hottie before he even meets Juliet, which only goes to show that if he had given it a couple of weeks he might not have decided to off himself over what would probably have amounted to just another piece of tail.
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JULIET - Even taking into account her being an impressionable adolescent, the fact that she would let this goofball friar talk her into taking some weird plant-based potion that supposedly simulates death, then allow herself to be entombed…well, it points to a young woman of dangerously inadequate emotional development.
MACBETH – From a half-decent sort to a killing machine, all because he was trapped in a co-dependent relationship with his wife. And the most tragic thing? Had he only sought them out, there were support groups he could have attended that may well have prevented all the carnage.
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SHERLOCK HOLMES – A drug-addled, egomaniacal control freak who could not have survived without Dr. Watson, who had an infinite capacity for filling Holmes’ need for love through the validation of his self-confessed deductive brilliance. Watson was such an enabler.
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MADAME BOVARY – Sure, her husband is dull, but rather than try to work things out through couples counseling, she has a series of affairs and ends up killing herself. Okay, so maybe couples counseling would have made her want to kill herself, too, but at least it’s a healthier approach to jettisoning an unhappy relationship.
SCROOGE- Let’s face it, if it weren’t for the rather convenient appearance of a few ghosts in this vindictive butt-hole’s life, he would have died alone and despised. Some people are beyond help, which is why no one would have believed the story if it didn’t involve the freaking supernatural..
EVERYBODY IN ‘THE GREAT GATSBY‘- Yeah, I know, it’s a drag trying to fit in among the social scene in Jazz Era Long Island. Take your self-indulgent, self-destructive tendencies to a motivational speaker who gives a crap.
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JAMES BOND – Sociopath, sex addict, murderer. He makes Dexter look like Pippi Longstocking.
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The world of literature is vast. I’m sure you have your own selections for messed-up people from the great works of fiction. Feel free to add to the list!
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