An Alabama woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ was excused from jury duty in Birmingham for being disruptive and answering questions with more questions.   The Associated Press reports this behavior as evidence that the woman failed to live up to her new name, as if the Jesus Christ of a couple of millennia ago was very meek and did exactly as he was told.  Not to mention the guy was reportedly pretty good at coming up with some brain-busting conundrums (the whole camel-through-the-eye-of-a-needle-thing is pretty out there for starters).

AP’s spurious assessment aside, it may well be that Ms Christ (former name Ms Killingworth) behaved the way she did because of the rabble-rousing spirit instilled in her by her choice of new name.  This could point toward an easy and effective solution for those who have been trying to bring more success and empowerment into their lives.  A quick, well thought out name change might be just the ticket for a person who is feeling stuck and unable to reach his or her full potential.  Here are half a dozen helpful suggestions:

• Genghis Khan – With this new name, you will be hard-wired to eliminate the competition by recruiting a coterie of savage followers willing to behead those who stand in your way.
• Henry Ford – A moniker that will predispose you to inventing more profitable, streamlined means of production and publishing a hate speech newspaper.
• Michelangelo – The perfect name change for someone who chooses the life of the artist.  Like this great painter who added beauty to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, chances are your unstable career path will, at some point, require you to earn your money while spending a lot of time on your back.
• Gandhi – This name will draw out your natural ability to bring about real change among the idiots in upper management through peaceful and non-violent means, which is quite a breakthrough since you spend most of your time wanting to throttle them to death.  You may also develop a talent for working on a loom.
• Susan B. Anthony and/or Elizabeth Cady Stanton – Names that will inspire you to alter the course of events by kicking backward-thinking men very hard in the ass, even at the risk of arrest and imprisonment.  Plus, if you choose Susan B. Anthony, her likeness was on a damn silver dollar, so if that’s not a prosperity affirmation I don’t know what is.
• Charlie Chaplin – If ever there was a time in history when we all need to find out how to become multi-millionaires while looking like we’re homeless, this is that time.

And you hang in there, Ms Jesus Christ of Birmingham, Alabama.  Before you know it, I’m sure you’ll have at least twelve followers.

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